It seemed so perfect. I'd be living a new life, in a new place, with new challenges, to serve God in a new way. I'd be facing fears, learning new things, doing things I never thought I could do, fully relying on God. I'd be ministering to girls who need Christ, making a difference in their lives a little at a time, every day.
The timing was perfect. I was down to the wire on my funds, and this job came in just in time. And it wasn't just a job, it was going to be a ministry and an exciting life.
The calling seemed to fit. The prayers of many seemed to be answered. I was ready to give up all the things I held so dear to start something new for God.
Then a week later, I was let go. For what (true) reason, I may never know. The meeting went well. They still want me to spend time with the girls. They think I'm good with them one on one, they want my singles' group to come out and do dinners and such with them. But as far as my time on their staff...it was cut pretty short.
The reasons for all of this are still so unclear to me. It's hard to believe that there is a good ending to this whole story. But I have to trust in my God. He doesn't leave us hanging. I don't believe He allowed me to go through this without good reason. I may not know that reason for a while, but I do know there is one.
I'm not going to lie to you all. This threw me into a funk. I've been very down all day. I spent some time standing out in the rain, thinking... the tears ended last night, today was more of a numb feeling.
I feel like I missed out somehow on my calling. I feel like I did something wrong and failed God, my friends, my Bible teachers, my pastors, and my family. I feel like I made a big deal about nothing. I feel a lot of things right now...and none of these feelings include clarity...
But do not despair...I have a happy ending to this. God hasn't given up on me, and I will not be giving up on Him. I had a little time when I honestly didn't feel like talking to Him, and it probably won't be the last time I feel like that. But God, in His sovereign grace and patience, is ready to take me back and get me back on track.
So I don't know what my future holds. I have no clue, and honestly, it's the best place to be. It's a strangely calming, overwhelming, scary, disturbing, exciting, wonderful feeling, and I hope it's over soon... :)