It has been so long since I posted here. I have been sick, tired, depressed, weak, and busy. Not to mention that I no longer have internet at home. I have tried to blog, but when the time comes to start writing, my brain simply shuts down. The truth of the matter is I'm burned out. I'm not sure how much more of this I have ahead of me. If you had told me December 6th that I would still, on May 18th, be ill and battling for strength to get through each day, I would never have believed you. I never could have imagined what this first half of my year would entail. And I'm glad God didn't choose to reveal that to me ahead of time. He only gives us what He knows we can handle.
I have to be honest. I have been slacking in my walk with Christ. My daily Bible reading is all but nonexistent. My prayer life is sporadic at best, and my decision to dwell on true, peaceful, life-giving thoughts is nearly always ignored. God has called me to join the Apollo Beach Bell Shoals, and while I'm grateful to be so welcomed into my new church home, I miss my family at FishHawk Fellowship. As wonderful as this new church is, it simply doesn't feel like home yet. Don't get me wrong, I know my home is in Heaven, but you know what I mean. It's new and different, and different is not easily taken into my mind right now.
I'm finally getting some real help from a doctor who may actually be able to help me get better. Right now, I'm simply too weak to work. Any physical exertion, any emotional upset, anything at all, and my body breaks out again in spots. My blood vessels are weak, my mind is weak, I have minimal concentration, I cannot understand the things some people say to me. Things have to be repeated on occasion. I'm very very different from the Alex who was stumbling through life last year. In some ways for the better, in other ways, not so much.
But His Grace is sufficient. It's the only thing I can hold onto right now. It's the only hope I ever have, when things are going well, and when things are horrible. When I feel strong and when I feel weak, when I feel able, and when I feel disabled, when I feel hopeful and when I feel helpless. When I feel needed and when I feel worthless. The one truth that resonates and provides for me the hope that gets me through is that His Grace is sufficient.
God's Grace is sufficient.
Not too much, and not too little. Just what I need.
Goldilocks sleeping in Baby Bear's bed does not know the comfort of God's "Just Right" Grace.